10 hard truths about teens

Teens know that perfect is impossible (and boring). And teens are suspicious of adults who claim perfect isn’t the goal while also saying, “fix this,” “do this,” “be this.” 

Teens have #onejob: to construct themselves. It’s not to earn an A, score a goal, get elected, win an award. They only need to get their motor running (most days) in order to build themselves. 

There isn’t one right college. Adults know they’re supposed to say this, but some secretly, or not so secretly, think there actually is one right school. Teens know it’s not true. 

Teens know that no one has all the answers. All responses are filtered. Everyone has their experiences, anecdotes, opinions. Even the Oracle of Delphi may have had a nagging leg cramp skewing their prophecies. 

Teens have excellent instincts. I know their instincts aren’t foolproof; neither are mine. So we help each other see our limitations, own our lenses, and check our advice against others’. I still say, at the end of every day, listen to your gut.

Teens are right — high school used to be easier. Yes, high school could be exhausting, but the stakes weren’t this high. Teens need us to channel our old-school approach. High school is supposed to be more social than stressful.

Teens are tacitly being taught that the end justifies the means. Author Joe Feldman wrote, “We can’t complain that students are point-grubbers when we give them extra points to grub.” Teens are only responding to the messages we're sending. 

Teens have been deadlifting stress for years, yet they’re more fragile than ever. Shouldn’t they be stronger, more resilient, less susceptible to cracking under pressure? Brace yourself: being delicate often works on a teen’s behalf. If crumbling has adults running to protect you, wouldn’t you do the same? Teens need to be assured that they’re tough.

The college application process is about self-discovery. It’s about finding out what you like, what you want, what you dream. Teens can love the college application process, if we let them.

Teens know that hiring a college counselor isn’t for winning insider information: it’s for having a partner who’ll make the application journey private. One-on-one works (I now understand this in a way I didn’t years ago.), and teens know privacy is gold.