Acknowledge the anxiety.
As you might guess, finding the right-fit college can be fraught with anxiety. And saying the college search shouldn’t be anxiety-producing doesn’t magically make uncomfortable feelings evaporate. Acknowledging that the college application process can be overwhelming, and letting teenagers honestly express their worry, helps. Equally helpful is encouraging teenagers to embrace the challenge and showing them how to work through the college application process deliberately. Tell your teenager that applying to college is an act of courage, and calling on courage in the face of uncertainty and rejection is one of life’s most valuable skills.
Jealousy is natural.
Even students who aren’t highly competitive find it difficult to not measure themselves against their peers. It’s natural. We can tell them not to compare themselves to others, but we should acknowledge that drawing comparisons is human nature. We can assure them that learning to grapple with feelings of jealousy, insecurity, or resentment is important. As healthy adults, we need to face these difficult feelings, then put them aside. By acknowledging the pressures of competition and the tendency to compare, young adults develop the skill of evaluating and reframing situations. They also learn about their own strengths and weaknesses. By admitting that competition can be a good thing, we help them see the power of self-improvement. Our job is to encourage our young people to become their best selves. We know they’re going to feel jealous of some peers during the college application process. Why would we pretend that’s not true?
Understand the generation gap.
With the rising cost of college, stress of academic life, and stories of 20-somethings finding success without degrees, the decision to attend college can be complicated. Be aware, many young people are analyzing their next steps from several angles — angles you may not know they’re considering. Teenagers understand how the Internet has created new paths to earning money. Youtubers, influencers, TikTok sensations, and hundreds of examples of side-hustles-turned-main-hustles have some teenagers wondering if college is necessary. I still believe in the power of a college education, but your teenager might not. Acknowledging this reality will help you bridge the generation gap and open up lines of communication.
Put rankings aside.
Each school has a set of tools in place for their students, and these tools cannot always be objectively ranked, no matter what the data say. Hopefully, over time, your teenager will learn that finding a school equipped with the tools to help them grow is key. It might not be the most competitive school they’re accepted to. It might be a school they hadn’t heard of before they started their college application process. It might be one you hadn’t heard of either. Put rankings aside, at least some of the time.
Reframe rejection.
Confronting rejection is one of the most difficult aspects of the college application process. On the surface, rejection says we’re not good enough. Perfectly capable people avoid rejection because it’s too much to bear, but when you opt out completely, you miss the chance to see rejection for what it really is: a chance at what’s next. When a teenager makes the decision to apply to college, they’re accepting the possibility of rejection and all the messy feelings it brings. That decision insists an applicant reconcile with forces out of their control. And when a rejection rolls in, they will get the chance to reframe the situation. (That school wasn’t the right one.) When they learn to move through rejection, they realize rejection is an opportunity for the next great thing.
Final thoughts
When a young person applies to college, they’re putting themselves in a vulnerable position. It is in these moments when growth happens. The person who takes risks can trust in their ability to lean into difficult moments, knowing they have what’s required to make it through. Let’s help our young people acknowledge the stress and risk and uncomfortable feelings that the college application process can trigger.
Let’s also give them a hope-filled college search that includes many different scenarios before they confront the limits of choice, money, and time. Let’s help them anticipate, plan, and prepare for their future. Applying to college requires mettle. It is a leap of faith. You can be the person who guides them on their journey.
Honest and supportive guidance is college application help that works.
Maureen C. Scudder is an independent college counselor specializing in essay advising. From strategy to submission, she guides clients through the college application process. Visit maureencscudder.com to learn more.
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Photo credit @timmossholder
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